What If toilet Paper Suddenly Became Coarse And Uncomfortable

Or more so.

Honestly, the reason I’m pushing off the “What If Aliens…” post is because I’m intimidated by it. So I thought “why don’t I try the format with a smaller topic”. Well, the format didn’t work, I’ll try again tomorrow maybe on a different topic but we’ll see. (Worst case I just end up doing a more interesting topic tomorrow.)

Scenario 1 (less likely but easier for me to predict): Let’s say the current production methods became impossible, I don’t know freak accident, all experts in the field move to other jobs, or some microorganism finds a nice niche somewhere in the wood to paper production line and makes it unprofitable to continue making toilet paper. Maybe it’s the processing, maybe it’s the texture, but it just becomes too much of a hassle. (well, maybe the rich will still use it, but I’m not writing about the how at the moment only the why.) Let’s not sweat the big stuff for now what would happen next.

  1. Buying Panic – I thought that it might tame a few months, but when I think about current events, there is no way somebody doesn’t panic, and panic buying doesn’t start up again. So the prices for old toilet paper will skyrocket, and if it ever becomes sold again, it will be a rare commodity.
  2. Disease – At least in the short term you don’t want open scratches or scrapes on your butt, it’s not hygienic.
  3. Green Toilet Paper – leaves in bags specially prepared and all that, new colossal industry, it costs twice as much as the new normal but still it doesn’t cost that much. Even if growing the leaves is terrible for the environment, it’s an easy spin to put on things, and it could be significantly more comfortable than the new normal.
  4. Wipe sales will double – at the very least.
  5. So Will The Sales Of Tissues
  6. Sewer Clogs – Wipes, leaves, tissues, and other alternatives are not good for pipes, huge backlog, clogs, health issues, possible plagues, smell, the collapse of infrastructure, and more. It can be a huge issue, but that’s dependent on other things and how quickly they implemented. This would lead to some severe consequences, but I can’t predict it for sure.
  7. Butt Washers (Hygienic picture available below) – The incentives to get one of these will go up dramatically, It’s definitely greener than the alternative, but it would be weird to use. Of course, there may be great incentives along with the banning of specific Toilet paper alternatives, and we don’t want clogged pipes and all. Water bills will rise as a result, and there will still be issues with clogging but less, and in time it may become normal.
  8. Proper Toilet Hygiene Will Be Taught In Schools – We don’t want clogging. I don’t think I need to explain more.
  9. Toilet Training Will Become Harder – In the short term definitely, because… Yeah, it’s not comfortable. In the long run, I have no clue, I’m not a parent, but there will definitely be some effect. If I could adequately predict this, it could have some severe long term effects, but I can’t so here’s here.
  10. Advanced Butt Washers – Demand will increase dramatically; innovation will soon follow. The discomforts of people in first world countries funds more innovation than the needs of millions elsewhere. Will innovations on propelling water comfortably into our asses find other uses, and will we make many discoveries in water propulsion methods? Probably but I’m not equipped to cover either of these topics, so I’ll leave this at that. (I’ll probably make something tomorrow, but it will only be tangentially related.)
Butt Washer? | MySabah.com

This post could have been longer, but the topic is not one I would like to entertain anymore. And I put in enough time already, so I’m done. Have a lovely weekend, and I wish you success in your endeavors.

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