Post 300

And I reached the millstone with my project incomplete (I wanted to list all the mistakes from my previous posts, but as most of the mistakes were born of ignorance, I am not yet sure of what to correct.) I just can’t come up with a post deserving of the place. And so, I’ll simply write 300 words, nothing more nothing else, it’s all I have for today. I hope I have a better post for you tomorrow.

A day had passed, and nothing lasted; I still felt reduced by time.
A young man who lost his path was a young man with no path a year later.
It is a shame when nothing be, in the place of genius and the highest dreams.
So one day is marked and then another; time will last it will be seen.
I will record my every move every day I will observe.
I will write down my every action and let my tired self observe.
Time will pass the days be simple using shorthand in memory’s place.
But one thing will be true after, every day will show some gain.
I will know what I’ve been doing body, music, spirit, brain.
And one day I will look back, this will be my source of gain.

So yeah, if it doesn’t help, I’ll put together a separate website and find every way to remove my privacy. If my self-image can’t be a good motivator, I’ll use shame and embarrassment instead.

I wish to be an artist I want to create something great.

I wish to change the world for the better but I fear any change I make will lead to negative consequences.

I like to claim I have enough power but I don’t know how much power is needed.

I doubt my every move and action because I know we are all wrong at least half of the time.

Well, apparently I wrote out three hundred and fifty-eight words including this. I hope you enjoy my somewhat unfiltered thoughts. Well, my afterthoughts in a way I had some of this in my head before and then I just, I don’t know even.


  1. I don’t know where you found a mill stone, but I’m glad you reached it.
    But I think in letting yourself not reach your objective, and just letting yourself be, you’ve written a beautiful and fitting post 300.
    I think the poem is good. I also think you expect too much of yourself. You’ve grown a lot in this project, and sometimes I know, we grow and learn and observe, and are left perceiving even more of a gap. So take a snapshot. Make an inventory, but don’t worry about recording it all. The important things will leave traces anyway. And some things just become a part of you, and others just fade away, and that’s okay too.
    And there’s a place for privacy, and a time for letting it all out, but there is no need to engineer shame and embarrassment; they show up anyway.
    You are motivated, and maybe it’s not as much as you think you ought to be, but what’s wrong with letting it be enough. And if you don’t think you’re getting enough do, schedule some things that require to show up with and for others. Schedule an adventure. Invite someone along. Take a class, but provide yourself an accountability system to get it done.
    And doubt is fine, but our job is to act anyway. And great starts with small. And I was just listening to this conversation as I read your post; so I took some time to transcribe it, and I don’t think it all applies to you, at least it’s not my experience that you are experiencing the world “screaming chaos at you in a soul destroying manner.”
    Sir Roger Scruton/Dr. Jordan B. Peterson: Apprehending the Transcendent
    “It must be the case that when describing our cultural inheritance, we’re not just describing something that is gone. We must be describing something of which we are still a part, and which has to change as we are changing, to accommodate us. All this was said by Eliot in “Tradition and the Individual Talent,” that the artist must be constantly trying to say that new thing that he came into the world to say. But he can only say it if he adapts his style to the inheritance of the tradition, thereby transforming the tradition and transforming himself. There is no formula for doing this because the formula is precisely what destroys the creative act. But we have to assume that new things will come. They will come through as they always did in the past, through fasting and prayer, and an occasional glass of wine.”
    Sir Roger Scruton, 1:27:20

    “Well, we could concentrate I suppose on building the future instead of criticizing the past. I mean, it’s necessary to decompose to reconstruct. You know, those acts can’t be separated, but the decomposition is the prerequisite for the reconstruction. You know what I’ve been recommending to people is that they start on whatever scale they can start on with whatever is in front of them, because they have more in front of them than they think. These circumscribed areas, these small spaces that people can call their own, even if it’s only their room. You can start to do something creative and beautiful there. I mean, I’ve suggested to people that they start by putting their room in order, and that implies a purpose. It’s like, well, your room is somewhere where you exist, it’s a place that surrounds you, that tells you how to be. Put it in order so at least it isn’t screaming chaos at you in a soul destroying manner. Make it pristine and orderly in a fashion that suits what you are aiming it. So have an aim. And then . . . maybe you start by putting your room in order, and then you make it beautiful, and then you learn how to make something beautiful. And to make something beautiful is to make something worthwhile, and to participate in that transcendence . . . .
    “So even to treat yourself properly is to treat yourself as part of an ongoing community. But I would say you start in the world, if you have some wisdom and some humility, by taking the potential that lies dormant in front of you, and interacting with it in the logos like manner, with truth, and with love, and by transforming that potential into whatever you create out of it that’s good, and it won’t be small if you do that: you can transform your whole household by transforming your room; you can transform your whole neighborhood by transforming your house. These things spread very very rapidly. And that is right there in front of you. You know, and people think they are impoverished now that they don’t have any opportunity, and the opportunity is hidden from them by their unwillingness to take the steps that are necessary to put what they could put in front of them on order and to produce the beauty instead of the ugliness where they could do that.
    And I don’t think there is anything more powerful than that. That works, and I’ve had thousands of people tell me that it works . . .”
    Dr. Jordan B. Peterson, 1:28:35
    And you’re right, you could make a mistake, and you could kill someone, or destroy something dear to you, or destroy something within yourself, but if you don’t risk that, you won’t reach the heights.
    So pick something small, something local, and play there, and maybe you tutor a younger person at Bet Rimon, or you help someone translate something, or you just invite someone out on a date, and try to make her laugh.
    For some people that’s a lot, to bring a smile into the world.
    Anyway, you brought a smile into mine. And I do believe you’re brilliant, and that doesn’t mean that there isn’t what to polish or improve, but it is to say you are headed in the right direction.
    I love you and congratulate you on post 300. It’s a huge accomplishment. You should throw yourself a party.

    1. Thank you for your kindness and wisdom. (and I speak in true honesty here.)

      But it wasn’t a poem, it was a declaration of purpose… But then? Ah, I’ve seen it, poetry is a communication of human experience thought beyond word, something more, the answer to my search is ever closer. And this explains why it only speaks to some maybe… Of yet my answer is incomplete, I shall revert to human communication, for replicability and understanding.

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