Midnight Post

In my post tonight I fell. Not that it couldn’t become something or because it was lies. But it seemed to me that I was afraid of wanting. No travel, no spending time with some guru who speaks a language I do not understand. I was trying to be safe on the way I grow. Or suggest I may grow, that which is too distant could not exist. I do not want to leave my bubble. I want something different, but the same.

Still there is a pattern I saw myself repeating with my father today. We both tried to reduce the ideas of an other into an idea we had known, to him it was simply being present (a complex idea but it is not mine to summarize in passing), to me it was finding peace in what there was. In becoming a member of the human whole, amd I see in that surrender to our biases and our nievety. Amd to accept ourselves and the world.

I resist, to accept myself would be to surrender. I need to suffer a bit to push to change, to act upon myself and others. And while I took upon myself moral rules and structures in my desire to be good I work to align my workings with them. I still desire to act upon the world and not as part of it. Or so I say, yet human fear, doubt, and laziness still stands in my way.

But fear, doubt and laziness are shared experiences, and while they hold me back from good, they will be able to hold me back from evil if I reach that point. They shall prevent error as they prevent greatness, for if my certainty pushes through it will have survived a trial by fire.

In this way the actions defined earlier shall expand my horizons, through the practice of action and success.

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