Sometimes I Am Anxious

Well, all the time. I do not relax well, knowing my potential, yet I refuse to pursue it. I will chase after and work on an idea but the moment there is a chance of it actually mattering, the moment I can print a product, produce an art, or communicate to the masses then I falter. I sabotage myself.

Fear comes before the fall, but the fear of the fall prevents me from rising. But it is more than that, my excuse is that I can change the world and that every second count’s once I discover the great change I can make. But then I should be pursuing more not less. I do not need all the leisure I consume, I do not need to read for 2 hours to unwind before bed, heck I don’t even need to be wound up. At this point, I am conditioning myself to fear potential stress, and that never helped anyone.

So what can I do to fix this? Take my own advice work forward, actually get this done early in the day so that I can move to the next thing on my list. Maybe I should spend money, make an investment I must watch. I know I can work on something long term, heck, I am probably weak to sunk costs, 3 times a day I look at what I wanted to be a tomato plant but is just weeds. (the tomato seeds didn’t root.) I am capable of being conscious, and am afraid of spending, well, anything.

But considering opportunity costs, especially with how I overestimate myself, is anxiety-producing every time I bring it up. But that’s the key isn’t it, exposure, getting accustomed to what I fear. I have projects I have mostly completed, that if I wanted to, I could have a product by the end of the month. It wouldn’t necessarily be good, and it would take a large investment of time to actually sell, but I could do it. I can kill my fantasies for a small reality.

But do I want to. Oh I love my fantasies, even my fantasies of having fantasies. My imagination is but a tool for experiencing what isn’t real. For experiencing what isn’t real in an optimal state, and so I can dwell, in dreams of greatness, I can play all the roles in existence, and I don’t have to make anything real. But this is an excuse, it isn’t the real reason, misusing a tool fro the sake of escape is not the reasons I’m trying to escape.

So let me not distract myself with the small excuses, let me face my minor fears. let me face the constant pain, if it scares me I shall approach… No. I fear death and that is going to far. I can say what I want but it might not matter.

So what do I need? what can I actually do? Well, I have tools I’m afraid to use, I get anxious even thinking about them. But I need to do something extreme, or not. Extreme is not the word, more is. I need to do something more than I am willing today, or more than I was willing yesterday. But how? Social obligation. It shall become more disappointing not to do anything, I shall complete my communication circuit with others not family, people I can disappoint, and have them be part. The circuits shall be complete by the end of the week, and to them, I will give my task and time limit.

Until them I shall use what tools I am willing to, and become willing to use more tools. Thank you for listening, and thank you for your time if you did.

10 Ideas For Decks Of Flashcards (well not exactly flashcards but I don’t have a better term)

I’ve lost today’s schedule as well. But I was closer this time, still didn’t get the post done though. I’ll try a more complete exercise tomorrow, but I can’t promise a better post.

Maybe a set of digital flashcards or reminders, and achievement system for lining them up with real-life and were golden.

  1. Cloud Patterns – And types and names, you can look at a cloud see what causes it to form. This can be good to get the scientifically minded into cloud watching or to get the cloud watchers interested in some other subjects.
  2. Constellations – To be sold like punch cards at airports. You want to sign off on all the consultations you can find. Maybe have a picture on your phone to prove it, or maybe have a printout system, and you want to get your own deck with rewards for those who provide the best pictures.
    Yup, this feels right.
  3. Recycling Types – Not fun, but it helps figure out what garbage-can the bottle goes in.
  4. Uses For Plastic Bottles – More fun than the previous one. It can be any disposable, With different difficulty projects, instead of throwing it out, pick a random card, and do something fun.
  5. Mini Bucket List – Or small things everyone should do at least once in their lives. Take an hour out of your day for the stay at home deck.
  6. Morning Productivities – Sold as a part of a self-help program. There are a number of defaults, but you can add or replace any with your own. Draw a card every morning, and on each card is something you can get done and complete in half an hour. Sometimes as simple as making the bed, or spending some time organizing your room, see if your still interested in an old hobby or spend some time writing something out.
  7. Outfit list – Maybe a set of colors that go together if it’s non-personalized. My mother did something similar when she made a flip-book for one of her clients, and that’s where this idea came from. In this one, you either have a randomly suggested outfit form your Every-Day, Semi-Formal or Formal decks. But you could just have colors if you don’t want your clothing to clash.
  8. Chores – Also, self-help less than 30 minutes per card. At least 30 min of non-urgent important stuff every day.
  9. Counter Arguments – Selling a different deck for different conspiracies or proven false theories. Each deck contains a number of counter-arguments with an iron-manned opponent.
  10. Flash Throwing Cards – You read them in order, designed so that they can be easily thrown. Each card teaches you more about how to properly throw cards with the earlier cards being easier than the later cards.

I shall be the card master MWAHAHA. I only need a card printer first, and the room to put it in, and ink, and cardstock. Maybe just some cheap card-sleeves a few old decks of cards, an ordinary printer, and scissors. no need to get fancy. (Other than investment and sunk cost motivation. It isn’t the sunk cost fallacy because it’s worth doing anyway and you using the cost not to be lazy. Same mechanism though.)

Doorknobs Are For Knobs

Not the first post I tried to write today, but I don’t know in all honesty, when sitting down to write something today I just didn’t want to. And it’s weird I had a fun idea and I looked forward to exploring it but trying to write it out, well it just felt like a chore. So now, I’ll write something, hope it feels natural, and not give a damn about anything else.

“Doorknobs, doorknobs are for knobs. “

“But if I don’t have a doorknob how can I get in do I just use a key?”

“Your just using a weirdly shaped doorknob!”

“Okay okay, so How am I supposed to open doors?”

“I find it often works to if you just hit them hard enough.”

“But what if I’m not strong enough, and…”

“Just find something heavy and swing it, that works for me.”

“And if I want to keep using the door, or to keep out the elements?”

“Than get a stronger door.”

“Then How Do I Get In!?”

“Key card reader, pass-codes, touch-pads, something of that sort?”

“Without Electronics? What if it is somebody else’s door.”

“You mess with the hinges.”

“Let’s ignore the fact that a door that durable probable weighs a ton, what if the hinges are in the inside!?”

“No need to be so angry, you just use a curved piece of metal, like so.”


“Of if the hinges are on the inside you use a metal card like so, this only works if the door isn’t locked but you can easily make a door that requires certain width cards. I once made a door that was compatible only with a certain brand of trading cards.”

“And where do you but such a door? Preferably delivery the day of?”

“Well there’s a place hardly an hours drive away.”

“Good. Now get me a replacement door that only locks adn unloks when cards of this thickness are used.”

“But I can’t drive there?”


“My car’s on the shop.”

“You Can Borrow Mine.”

“But door pulls are almost as bad as knobs.”

So here Is something, very much something. I could probably have made it take up less space and explained the actions taken by the individuals but I was wondering how well I could describe it If I only used the dialog. Hope it was interesting, please respond I feel I can only write so much when I feel as if I’m talking to myself. And if I write something stupid or boring, tell me. Please.
Like this post for example, it may have been stupid, it may have gotten a laugh, but if I ever want to be funnier, I need to know.

Weekend Update

I’ll finish preperparing posts tomorrow, it’s on my schedule and if I finish what I started today then I should have a backup post done. That means no more weekend posts like this one.

Today I don’t have any more content to provide for you because the holey Sabbath is still out after eight and since I’m fixing my sleep schedule I’m not using my main computer (because my phone is also a computer) past 8:30.

Self imposed costs and all that.

So here are 12 Uninhibited Ideas For Movie Titles, I hope my disinhibition makes up for my lack of effort.

  1. The Documentarian
  2. The Cursed Headphones
  3. Hacking The Universe
  4. Falling Of Cliffs
  5. Miranda Said No
  6. Parliament In Space
  7. Lost, Lost, Yet Still, Lost
  8. Marbles Are Like…
  9. Misanthropic Missletoe
  10. Contemptuous Coppers
  11. Kill Khrushchev Yesterday
  12. A World Without Pipes

Trying To Be Creative

It’s easy to declare that I’ll do something creative every day, but being creative is hard. So here are I’ll try to be creative about things I can do when trying to be creative. (Hey, I may have a few future posts. I may be speaking in the second person but of the people, I’m talking to one of them is my tomorrow self.)

  1. Explain Something You Don’t Know – Take a topic or an event I know nothing about, and make up an explanation. Creativity is often derived from errors, so if I want to make something original, I got to be wrong.
  2. Find The Most Convoluted Solution – find something that is done efficiently and ask yourself, what is the most convoluted method to do so. The creativity will come with some of the steps along the way, and some of them may even be useful for less straightforward tasks.
  3. Imagine You Have A Unique Tool – it’s about emotional perspective as well. It’s all well and good to say what if I had x superpower, but imagine you were the only person who had it, how would you use it, what would you make. You can change the world with this, or maybe you can acquire vast amounts of wealth, what if it were real how much time and effort would you put into it, imagine it is real if only for an hour.
  4. Imagine You Were In A Unique Position – aliens have arrived on earth, and You are the only one who can communicate with them. Same thought process as the last one, but you can use more realistic positions such as CEO of x company. Then it’s just a hypothetical, but you can be creative with those.
  5. Enrich Your Understanding Than Expand Blindly – The topic I will choose is sewage because I keep on claiming I have no interest in sewage-related topics. Still, historically it had some severe effects on society. There aren’t many sewage experts are there? Are plumbers considered sewage experts? Anyways, learn something and make a number of guesses on what the next thing you learn will be, or make more guesses you are entirely unqualified to make but are knowledgeable enough that people can’t tell.
  6. Set A High Minimum Limit – It’s the reasons my lists are lists of ten. I have no option but to try and come up with something new, or to rack my brain for something obscure. Not always the most effective, but instead of trying to come up with a solution to a problem, try five.
  7. Let Yourself Go – If you declared a high minimum, but you find yourself putting large amounts of time and thought into a single entry focus on that. The limits are to force yourself to be creative, but if you have limited time and you’re already being creative, you can drop the original limit. OR even the original structure if you think you can get away with it. (can you tell I’m running out, and just decided to give myself future advice for this one? Well, back to what I intended to do.)
  8. Deconstruct Someone Else’s Creativity – You can’t always make something new, try to observe a creative act or the result of such and deconstruct. I need more understanding before I steal concepts as I would do so blindly, but by seeing others focus, I can find gaps I can fill in.
  9. Try To See If Something Can Be Done Better – Like doorknobs, but what about our wrists. A good thought experiment, but I’m not sure if you’ll produce anything of value.
  10. Redefine Something – Don’t try to communicate something else; try to say it differently. What is color? A phenomenon of sight? The way we perceive different wavelengths of light? The movement of photons? Try to redefine things, you’ll find the gaps that need filling in, and that’s where a more technical type of creativity can be applied.

A Better Direction (Hopefully)

I feel as if I’ve been losing some of my creativity, at least in what I’ve been producing for this blog. I want to be sure that what I’m putting out there is right, that I’m using safe (for lack of a better word) information. But the problem with safe information is that I need external sources to verify. I cannot share the perceptions of my senses as truth, for my senses are flawed, logic and math don’t help if you’re using the wrong numbers, and in my first assessments, I am more often wrong than right.

Meanwhile, some of my greatest posts, or at least my most creative ones, began with a wrong idea, a first guess. By putting my understanding out there I can perceive its flaws, and I can correct many of my errors before sharing my words with the world. So for today and for an indeterminate amount of time after (anywhere from a day to a month to forever), my posts will be based in unsafe thoughts, ideas, and first perceptions re-perceived. I need to internalize that the purpose of this blog is to explore ideas, and this is how.

That being said, I did start a number of posts today but all of my ideas ending up being regressive loops (My reasoning wasn’t very good, so I dismissed it.) And forcing myself to come up with something more won’t work. So I promise to write more stuff down, and so I’ll have ideas to expand upon and post here, but for today I won’t force myself to try and come up with something more.

Goodnight and see you tomorrow.

10 Places Where Familiarity Replace Taste

I may be wrong but that can be said about anything. We like what’s familiar the more we see something the more we like it, etc.

  1. Music – This has no right to be controversial, yes I like bad music. I know I like bad music. Genres often have familiar elements, and different countries and times had different patterns. But what happened to appreciating the music of an unfamiliar style, learning rhythm so that you can enjoy music from elsewhere, and listening to unfamiliar stuff? Well nothing happened, we were always insular, but can’t we at least find some way to define music by quality. I like music that at least 3/5 rhythm, 4/5 melody, XYZ instruments, and it can repeat over and over for all I care. Can’t we have something like that? (not unless there is some music in education.)
  2. T.V (well Netflix) – Sitcom, soap operas, it’s all comfort food really. Comfort food is familiar, it doesn’t rock the boat, and it plays well in the background.
  3. Cinema – a predictable storyline, snarky characters, and impressive action setpieces. Many people like a specific genre of movies, such as heist movies. And movies from preferred genres can be mostly unoriginal as long as they hit the same points, your memory will fill in the blanks.
  4. So-Called Nostalaga Games – When you do the same thing for years because it’s “nostalgia” it’s not, it’s familiar, it’s more of what you like. And sometimes it’s everywhere for example…
  5. Pokemon – It’s been popular for so long and even when it was new they just stuck pokemon on everything. remember pokemon pinball? pokemon snap? I liked pokemon pinball but I like most pinball, be it digital or machine.
  6. Branded Things – Board Games, Movies, Video games. Stick a familiar pop-culture symbol form 20 years ago and you’ll get buyers. Video game movies sell and they are notoriously low quality, the problem with that is that most people do eventually catch on.
  7. Home Building – we build houses that are familiar mostly. But if you look at some newly built houses, people just stick things that are familiar onto their houses because they looked nice somewhere.
    – (I was out of ideas after 3 entries but that’s why I decided to write ten)
  8. Subscription – I don’t try to be familiar but we often follow things far longer than they entertain us.
  9. The Simpsons – At least I say so, last specific thing I put on this list.
    – (I would say these lists but I spent far more time than I should trying to come up with some of these. I thought it would be easy.)
  10. Coffee – Sometimes you do sleep enough. And sometimes you like bad coffee because you’re already used to it, and it was cheap.

What If Aliens…

It seems three posts in a day was too much for me. Not that any of the posts were up to the expected length. Still I said I would write three posts so let me at least be honest about that. Here are the questions I can’t come up with the answers today.

  1. …were here all along?
  2. …were actors in human politics?
  3. …planted humanity on earth?
  4. …used us for social experimentation?
  5. …were here throughout history but forgot about us?
  6. …stoped visiting us because we didn’t live up to their standards?
  7. …didn’t exist at all in all the universe?
  8. …are sending us messages every day but we don’t have the sensory organs to interpret them?
  9. …know about us and sometimes space tourists visit us but the large majority of space-faring people don’t care?
  10. …are like us?
  11. …send ambassadors to earth with different alien countries allying with earth countries?
  12. …use earth to fight proxy wars?

List Regarding Being Considerate Or At Least Being Considered As Such.

It seems I have a certain voice today, I will use it as it manifests, I think the title of this post caused me to think this way, I will try to realign my thoughts and language for the next post.

  1. Why do we want to be considerate is it because we consider the view of others, do we want it to be known?
  2. Or maybe we believe others consider our view the same as we consider theirs. Do others judge us as we judge them, let us be considerate of their reasons so that our judgments are less harsh.
  3. When considerate we take others into our consideration as if they were worth our mental effort. We desire to be worth theirs.
  4. There is more to being considerate than reciprocation, is there an element of moral superiority?
  5. Does it provide us a feeling of having an advantage over others?
  6. Should I reconsider my repeated use of the word root consider, is it to separate from the more term considerate at least as it a has developed, or am I causing consideration of what the word means and what we mean by it.
  7. Did I consider how this non-sense post will cause my readers to see my previous post, it will be somewhat controversial anyways and I have probably expressed my ignorance. So I hope you don’t hold this considerable silliness against me.
  8. Why do we consider what is silly as far from the truth, humor is often a softener of reality. And the reality is often silly as it doesn’t conform to human sense. What is logical is not what feels right.
  9. Are we being considerate just by pretending to be so, we need to consider others reactions at least and how they will feel. Doubly so in fact, as we want to make them feel as if they’re worth our consideration, or maybe that we’re providing it as a charity.
  10. Do we lash against our helpers as their charity in being considerate towards us when we feel we aren’t deserving of it, does that charity hurt our pride?

Ah big questions, I may in fact have reached deeper in this silly post than I did in the previous less silly post, I hope you have a nice day.

Scientific Methodologies

So here I shall embrace arrogance because otherwise, I would never write this. I must be willing to be wrong, or I shall never be original, but I must believe myself to be right, or I shall never be willing to share it.
(though I may edit the arrogance out before posting this, I still care too much about how people see me.)

I never liked the scientific method. At least as I originally learned it, a fault in my education maybe, but it is so. My dislike stems from one point alone, the first step of scientific discovery, the need for a hypothesis. I will not claim that the scientific method is a bad thing; it is a tool, an incredibly useful tool, but a tool nonetheless. The biggest thing that bugs me is that it is treated as the only tool, that without it, you cannot perform science. Without declaring a hypothesis, without declaring a goal, declaring what we do not know, is that what is needed to discover truth?

Despite my disposition towards the scientific method, I still see myself as a scientifically minded individual, but for me, the simple fact is that we don’t know what it is that we don’t know. And by deciding on a hypothesis, we set goalposts, and we limit our results to; this hypothesis is correct, it is false, and we do not know. Was I to suggest that we move the goalposts that we in lacking understanding of the truth, attempt to observe events in a controlled environment or matter, the first question I would need to ask would be why? What am I attempting to discover? But would I be given the resources to move forward if I would state that I do not know?

If I was I to compose and collect a series test, some silly most seemingly meaningless, and to put them in front of randomly collected individuals, using a large sample size. If I was to collect those tests (tests such as my “connection machine test”), then were I to look for patterns in the test results and try to create measures and discover what they mean. Would that be scientific?

Alas, I do not know, maybe we need hypotheses in order to create proofs. And I simply am afraid of deciding on a measure. My personal distaste should not stand in the way of discovery, and I still lack the knowledge and understanding to complete this point.

So let me put together a hypothesis here, “We can learn more from failing to prove obvious hypotheses than from succeeding to prove them.” But what we will learn, I do not know.

I apologize if you expected more here I did too. It took a lot out of me to put even this out here so I hope you find something in it. Or at least explain to me how I am wrong because I hope I am.